Tuesday, January 5, 2010
A while back I posted a similar story, as life goes I had another experience which shows me again that I'm still on the good list.
So, I often pass this store thats got these huge glass windows, and at night, like nowadays, you can see into the store pretty well without the insiders knowing about your little beady eyes, peering into their private lives.
Ok I'm nearing the store and naturally the flieshiger eigen look towards the candy display, only to hit the jackpot.
In a open area, easy to see and facing the other way is a young woman wearing tight stetchie pants.
Guilt, involuntary eye movement, guilt, head tilts away.
Self disgust and I look...again.
But there goes a security doorman in tandem with my walking, so that pants is obscured.
I shake my head, I failed, But Hashem loves me.
Thursday, April 3, 2008
I was cleaning for pesach, (ya know, rereading old magazines) and thinking wouldn't it be love-aly if I could stay home for a seder or 2?
I make my own horseradish anyway so whats the big deal?
I can read the instructions in haggada just as well as the next guy, and i know a couple of required items that create interesting odors in the kitchen, and thats it.
When I a kid we would brag about what time our seder shlepped to.
"We finished at 3 am"
"3? big deal we finished at 3:07!"
"I had a d'var torah on every piece in the haggadah, 3 on arba bonim"
"I even have 1 on korech"
"my little brothers went rount by 'shefoach chamoscha' he musta seen Eliyahu."
"we acted out the makkos"
"so! we acted out chad gadya"
Nowadays i prefer the " I was in bed by midnight"
The kiddies are growing and wanna shine on their own, so that no gonna happen.
Already one has half inch thick kuntras of stuff on the haggada.
Hey, i agree with them, just as long as i get to bed by 1:00am.
I think the per square inch there are more 'toras' on the haggada than any other sefer out there.
Maybe i should discuss it with spousy first, hummmm?
Monday, January 28, 2008
OK maybe longer.
Well the truth is I'm not even sure anyone ever reads my stuff.
No matter, I write these, as a way to either share something, without getting in trouble for it.
So I'm not sure if readership matters, or just the initial sharing, which is in effect accomplished by my taking the time to type stuff up.
Anyway this happened this Shabbos, and as other stories, I can't tell anyone I know so Blogsville is the ideal outlet.
It was actually Motzie Shabbos, I had bought bagels and was putting stuff together to go with the bagels. Salads 'n spreads, one of which is popular in my family, avocado!!
Yup I can get my kids to eat a green thing.
Its how I make it. This is not part of the story but just as a note to those with a burning curiosity, its mashed with hard boiled egg, sugar, lemon, salt and a pinch of pepper. (drool)
Anyway, 1 kids asks if avocados are Kilayim ( mixture like nectarines), I say I don't think so.
Other kids asks about Kilayim so kid 1 says "ooh like mules" then adds off the puzzled look of kids 2, " a mule is a mix between a horse and donkey".
That leads to more questions like "hey can you 'marry' a zebra and a hippo"?
I say "Nah their DNA is too different"
More puzzled looks.
OK More of that my-kids-know-zip-about-sex-and-I-sure-ain't-telling.
I say " you know the old ladies that live with their cats?"
Nods all around
"Well why don't they have cat babies"?
Hey, I came up with this on the spur, gimme a break.
"They can't 'cause they are way too different, humans and cats just are very different species, so it doesn't happen, but horses and donkeys are very similar, like uhh, Asians and Whites"
OK so sue me.
The conversation moved on to other, less risque topics.
Can I get an opinion? What age, if any premarital, is appropriate for a full disclosure?
Obviously you guys know my opinion.
Monday, November 26, 2007
My oldest daughter, who is growing up faster than I can blink, has parsha homework and a teacher that makes 'em think.
So we enjoy chewing up finer points of the pasuk on occasion, and sometimes I wonder what the heck is the teacher thinking?
Well, this was one for the books, Maydele asks me about a particular Rashi that responds to the question, why Tamar was to be killed, says Rashi "as the daughter of Shem ben Noach, the Kohen, she was to be burnt"
OK Maydele asks "We burn all daughters of kohanim? 'Cause we've got cousins who....
Me"what lemme see that question"
Teacher asks 'why was tamar to be killed'?
I gotta explain this, but very carefully.
Me "ok When Yosef was sold, Shimon and Levi wanted to kill him. As Yakov on his deathbed said they had tempers, and they truly thought it was justified.
Ruvain, the oldest, knew better and said "let G-d decide - put him in a pit " that happened to be full 'o poisonous snakes 'n other nasties. The pasuk does say that Ruvain wanted to save Yosef's butt.
Yehuda not knowing this but agreeing- felt he couldn't fight the crowd, suggested that they sell Yosef. And so it was.
Later Yakov had immense grief and the brothers blamed Yahuda, that he shoulda said leave Yosef alone and sent the kid home.
Yahuda was troubled enough to leave home and then spent some time with a Caananite dude named Shia (Yes Maydele sounds Jewish, but no he wasn't) and married his daughter and had 3 boys, Er, Onan and Shaylu. Bas Shia dies in childbirth of Shaylu.
When Er was old enough Yahuda arranges a shidduch for him, Tamar daughter of Shem son of Noach."
So here comes the difficult part!
"Tamar was gorgeous and Er not wanting to spoil her beauty wouldn't set up house together.
Hashem wasnt happy 'bout that and Er died.
So Tamar was introduced to Onan who refused to Yibum his brothers memory and even though he married her, he acted the same way, so that there would be no child.
Hashem polished off Onan too.
Yahuda freaked at this point and told Tamar go home until Shaylu would be older.
So off Tamar goes.
After a few years Tamar realizes its not gonna happen with Shaylu, so she devises a plan. she dresses herself as a....in a disguise.... and sits outside Avraham's tent, (seems that it was a museum or something) Yahuda, out with the sheep gets this wierd notion to walk the sheep thataway, and sees the .....interesting lady.
They get married and in the morning Yahuda goes to get all his stuff, comes back to find that the lady he married, was missing!
6 months later people start talking that Onans widow was pregnant and yahuda convenes a Beis din and finds her guilty of being untzniusdig and must have married someone else without getting Chalitza from Shaylu or Yahuda, for which the sentence is death.
Being that she was Shem ben Noach kid that makes her a Kohens kid for which the regular death is replaced with burning.
There's lotsa more medrash to this story, but that's the gist.
Try explaining this to a barely teenage girl, without any sexual references (sigh)
L-rd knows why the teacher chose to make the parents squirm.
Friday, October 19, 2007
You've seen 'em the prez-Bush-not-withstanding-illegal-dudes standing at every corner shouting 'flowers, flowers for shabis'.
Anyway one week when I do my rounds, Spousy calls me on my cell, asking if I could get her some, uhhh, feminine napkins.
Hey I'm married I've done this before, pads, bedikah cloths, whatever, can't say its like buying cold cuts, but not a big deal, right guys?
So this Friday I went about getting whatever it was we needed and then stopped off at the drugstore, down that aisle and picked up a bag of Spousy's favorite brand.
I turn towards the cashier, bag in hand, ooops no way, my old chavrusa is on that checkout line.
OK OK I'll go to the drug counter and pay there. I shield the bag with my body and head thata way...
OH CRAP, 2 guys from shul are standing and chatting, and they've seen me....
Nonchalantly I stoll up to them "hey, vus titzach?"
I sorta lean one way while twisting my arm the other trying to block the 'package' as far as possible.
We chat while waiting, well, they're chatting, I'm squirming justa bit at first, but the pressure mounts as more awkward minutes drag by.
I'm holding more bags then they are and besides they're still waiting for cough syrup or antibiotics for the kid, to be prepared, "Yinger, just go ahead of us" says one.
YAY "are you sure" to be polite, I gotta ask.
They both nod.
OK I'm outta here.....almost.
I try to continue the yakking, turning my shoulders and face to them and shoving the bag behind me up on the counter.
Not bad I convince myself.
The female cashier swipes the bag on the barcode reader I hear the beep of the machine and expect to hear how much I owe, instead I hear her mumble 'that cant be right'.
She tries again and stares at the screen, 'no-way' she says, and then raising the pack of pads as high she can, she yells out the manager, walking about 25-30 feet away "PRICE CHECK".
AHHHGGGGG, I think, never in a million years am I ever, EVER, going to shop for this kinda stuff again.
Oh yes, I did bring home flowers, what kinda hubby do you think I am?
Monday, September 3, 2007
Yes yes kiddies, and its not the first one either.
Anyway so after that initial phone call, it seemed that word got around that Mrs Spousy Yingerman was a world famous shadchan, and i didn't believe the amount of calls she got saying I have a great boy/girl 'on the market'.
Feh "market" sounds like a nice cut of steak.
So Spoucy ends up listening to people talk about themselves and I end up printing her some blank 'shidduch forms' so that she can organize her lists.
Lots of phone calls....
Now we start getting swamped with frantic calls,
I have a great boy....she's an excellent....so she has diabetes.....he's been working part time and......but with medication it perfectly under control.....
Hashem yiracham everybody's got tzuris of one type or another.
All my life I tried to avoid being a yenta (yentum? what's a male yenta?) and now I'm inundated with lotsa personal info that I don't wanna know.
In the course of my work I meet people, all sorts and classes. Here and there I come across kids of the 'market' age, and I ply them for info.
Recently I spoke to a girl who informs she's in her late 20's, I was surprised, she coulda passed for 18-19, I ask what she's looking for and i get a cryptic response 'someone who wants to be close to Hashem'
Me:what does that mean?
Close to Hashem wannabe girl: you know a boy who feels in his heart that he needs to draw closer to Hashem.
Me:Everyone wants to be closer, what does your vision of closer entail, like what?
ctHwg:He feels in his heart that he wants to be closer.
Me:please explain, you mean someone who says t'hillim all day or someone who will stand on a tall building and yell 'I love you, Hashem'?
ctHwg:(looking a bit lost) No he just needs to feel inside that he needs to be closer to Hashem.
No wonder she's not married, she has no clue, she's repeating a mantra she heard from a teacher, and has no idea what it means.
A brother in law of mine says teach 'em to make a good kugal and then the hubby will be happy, and if he's happy she'll be happy, know you all know the secret of great marriage.
I know this blog is disjointed, I just had to get it outta my head.
P.S. if you wanna submit any shidduch info on a 'marketable' kid from a black hat home (we're not ready to branch out yet) sent it to firstname.lastname@example.org and I'll forward it to Mrs Spousy 'world-shdchantah' Yingerman's attention.
Monday, July 23, 2007
I commented( about the crying on Tisha b'av demand:
First time I cried on tisha b'av was when I was 12. I just finished reading a book on the chorban of WWII and like lots of well written books it really touched me.
Ever been to Israel, nearly every time I get to the kosel I cry, being there makes me feel like a child who misbehaved towards my Father who loves me greatly and, and I, I have forgotten the One who provides, I've been ungrateful for what I get, through no merit of my own.(sigh)
We are (stupid)silly shortsighted humans, But Hashem, please remember that You made us this way.
I'd like to add that if you havent been to the kosel or if you have, but have never felt....the sh'china or something, then you have my pity.
I've heard it from others too there is a overwhelming warm feeling there, like the emotion that comes with a hug after a long absence.
It's a poor description but it's the best I can do, If any knows what I'm talking about then help me out here.