Monday, November 26, 2007

I had this discussion with a fellow blogger and then decided that some of you would like to hear about this particular 'trial' as I call 'em.
My oldest daughter, who is growing up faster than I can blink, has parsha homework and a teacher that makes 'em think.
So we enjoy chewing up finer points of the pasuk on occasion, and sometimes I wonder what the heck is the teacher thinking?

Well, this was one for the books, Maydele asks me about a particular Rashi that responds to the question, why Tamar was to be killed, says Rashi "as the daughter of Shem ben Noach, the Kohen, she was to be burnt"
OK Maydele asks "We burn all daughters of kohanim? 'Cause we've got cousins who....
Me"what lemme see that question"
Teacher asks 'why was tamar to be killed'?
I gotta explain this, but very carefully.
Me "ok When Yosef was sold, Shimon and Levi wanted to kill him. As Yakov on his deathbed said they had tempers, and they truly thought it was justified.
Ruvain, the oldest, knew better and said "let G-d decide - put him in a pit " that happened to be full 'o poisonous snakes 'n other nasties. The pasuk does say that Ruvain wanted to save Yosef's butt.
Yehuda not knowing this but agreeing- felt he couldn't fight the crowd, suggested that they sell Yosef. And so it was.

Later Yakov had immense grief and the brothers blamed Yahuda, that he shoulda said leave Yosef alone and sent the kid home.
Yahuda was troubled enough to leave home and then spent some time with a Caananite dude named Shia (Yes Maydele sounds Jewish, but no he wasn't) and married his daughter and had 3 boys, Er, Onan and Shaylu. Bas Shia dies in childbirth of Shaylu.
When Er was old enough Yahuda arranges a shidduch for him, Tamar daughter of Shem son of Noach."

So here comes the difficult part!

"Tamar was gorgeous and Er not wanting to spoil her beauty wouldn't set up house together.
Hashem wasnt happy 'bout that and Er died.
So Tamar was introduced to Onan who refused to Yibum his brothers memory and even though he married her, he acted the same way, so that there would be no child.
Hashem polished off Onan too.
Yahuda freaked at this point and told Tamar go home until Shaylu would be older.
So off Tamar goes.
After a few years Tamar realizes its not gonna happen with Shaylu, so she devises a plan. she dresses herself as a disguise.... and sits outside Avraham's tent, (seems that it was a museum or something) Yahuda, out with the sheep gets this wierd notion to walk the sheep thataway, and sees the .....interesting lady.
They get married and in the morning Yahuda goes to get all his stuff, comes back to find that the lady he married, was missing!

6 months later people start talking that Onans widow was pregnant and yahuda convenes a Beis din and finds her guilty of being untzniusdig and must have married someone else without getting Chalitza from Shaylu or Yahuda, for which the sentence is death.
Being that she was Shem ben Noach kid that makes her a Kohens kid for which the regular death is replaced with burning.

There's lotsa more medrash to this story, but that's the gist.
Try explaining this to a barely teenage girl, without any sexual references (sigh)
L-rd knows why the teacher chose to make the parents squirm.

Friday, October 19, 2007

The Flowers

Like most hubbies in Boropark I do some last minute pre-Shabbos shopping on the way home from work. Sometimes its some cake or deli and of course like every good hubby I get Spousy flowers for Shabbos.
You've seen 'em the prez-Bush-not-withstanding-illegal-dudes standing at every corner shouting 'flowers, flowers for shabis'.

Anyway one week when I do my rounds, Spousy calls me on my cell, asking if I could get her some, uhhh, feminine napkins.
Hey I'm married I've done this before, pads, bedikah cloths, whatever, can't say its like buying cold cuts, but not a big deal, right guys?
So this Friday I went about getting whatever it was we needed and then stopped off at the drugstore, down that aisle and picked up a bag of Spousy's favorite brand.
I turn towards the cashier, bag in hand, ooops no way, my old chavrusa is on that checkout line.
OK OK I'll go to the drug counter and pay there. I shield the bag with my body and head thata way...
OH CRAP, 2 guys from shul are standing and chatting, and they've seen me....
Nonchalantly I stoll up to them "hey, vus titzach?"
I sorta lean one way while twisting my arm the other trying to block the 'package' as far as possible.
We chat while waiting, well, they're chatting, I'm squirming justa bit at first, but the pressure mounts as more awkward minutes drag by.
I'm holding more bags then they are and besides they're still waiting for cough syrup or antibiotics for the kid, to be prepared, "Yinger, just go ahead of us" says one.
YAY "are you sure" to be polite, I gotta ask.
They both nod.
OK I'm outta here.....almost.
I try to continue the yakking, turning my shoulders and face to them and shoving the bag behind me up on the counter.
Not bad I convince myself.
The female cashier swipes the bag on the barcode reader I hear the beep of the machine and expect to hear how much I owe, instead I hear her mumble 'that cant be right'.
She tries again and stares at the screen, 'no-way' she says, and then raising the pack of pads as high she can, she yells out the manager, walking about 25-30 feet away "PRICE CHECK".


AHHHGGGGG, I think, never in a million years am I ever, EVER, going to shop for this kinda stuff again.

Oh yes, I did bring home flowers, what kinda hubby do you think I am?

Monday, September 3, 2007


A while back I mentioned that spousy spoke a shidduch, well, in order not to blow my cover, I will say that this month I will attending a marriage that my fantastic wife arranged.
Yes yes kiddies, and its not the first one either.
Anyway so after that initial phone call, it seemed that word got around that Mrs Spousy Yingerman was a world famous shadchan, and i didn't believe the amount of calls she got saying I have a great boy/girl 'on the market'.
Feh "market" sounds like a nice cut of steak.
So Spoucy ends up listening to people talk about themselves and I end up printing her some blank 'shidduch forms' so that she can organize her lists.
**time interval**
Lots of phone calls....
(starbursts) SHIDDUCH!!!!!(starbursts)

Now we start getting swamped with frantic calls,
I have a great boy....she's an she has diabetes.....he's been working part time and......but with medication it perfectly under control.....
Hashem yiracham everybody's got tzuris of one type or another.

All my life I tried to avoid being a yenta (yentum? what's a male yenta?) and now I'm inundated with lotsa personal info that I don't wanna know.

In the course of my work I meet people, all sorts and classes. Here and there I come across kids of the 'market' age, and I ply them for info.

Recently I spoke to a girl who informs she's in her late 20's, I was surprised, she coulda passed for 18-19, I ask what she's looking for and i get a cryptic response 'someone who wants to be close to Hashem'
Me:what does that mean?
Close to Hashem wannabe girl: you know a boy who feels in his heart that he needs to draw closer to Hashem.
Me:Everyone wants to be closer, what does your vision of closer entail, like what?
ctHwg:He feels in his heart that he wants to be closer.
Me:please explain, you mean someone who says t'hillim all day or someone who will stand on a tall building and yell 'I love you, Hashem'?
ctHwg:(looking a bit lost) No he just needs to feel inside that he needs to be closer to Hashem.

OK (exasperation)
No wonder she's not married, she has no clue, she's repeating a mantra she heard from a teacher, and has no idea what it means.

A brother in law of mine says teach 'em to make a good kugal and then the hubby will be happy, and if he's happy she'll be happy, know you all know the secret of great marriage.

I know this blog is disjointed, I just had to get it outta my head.

P.S. if you wanna submit any shidduch info on a 'marketable' kid from a black hat home (we're not ready to branch out yet) sent it to and I'll forward it to Mrs Spousy 'world-shdchantah' Yingerman's attention.

Monday, July 23, 2007

I was lookin' around at blogs and there was a question on blog about feeling on tisha b'av. I found to be a very deep question, its not really about crying or the minhag of what people do or dont on Tisha B'av but rather I think it's how well do you associate with the chorban with the loss of ours and the rest of the world, as the Succos korbanos in the Bais Hamikdash shielded the world from grief.

I commented( about the crying on Tisha b'av demand:

First time I cried on tisha b'av was when I was 12. I just finished reading a book on the chorban of WWII and like lots of well written books it really touched me.
Ever been to Israel, nearly every time I get to the kosel I cry, being there makes me feel like a child who misbehaved towards my Father who loves me greatly and, and I, I have forgotten the One who provides, I've been ungrateful for what I get, through no merit of my own.(sigh)

We are (stupid)silly shortsighted humans, But Hashem, please remember that You made us this way.

I'd like to add that if you havent been to the kosel or if you have, but have never felt....the sh'china or something, then you have my pity.

I've heard it from others too there is a overwhelming warm feeling there, like the emotion that comes with a hug after a long absence.

It's a poor description but it's the best I can do, If any knows what I'm talking about then help me out here.


So I don't blog much anymore.
Part of me misses it very much, and part of me thinks 'loser, it a time wasting activity'.
Should I blog and share my soul, will people eventually figure out who Yingerman is? Do I care?
Should I just use my blog as an outlet to be real or funny...or build an alter ego that I might use as a crutch.
Tell me please what do I get out of my blog.
Some recognition?
Some occasional laughs, which G-d knows we can all use.
A secret group of friends that frequently changes on the whims of someone's blogroll?
I do enjoy the shackle free conversations that can and do happen here. The nearly racy content is always of interest.
For a while I thought that every woman with a shpitzle was, in fact her, I would stare outta the corner of my eye, that's her heh I should just go ask.
This goes for mooky, I imagined that slightly modern looking, stubborn but with the, been there eyes, that her.
David on the lake, tall dark hair pressed a bit to the side, he'd smoke a pipe if it was still in.
Lakewoodshmuck? well lets not go there.
Chaverah. Hummm short sheital nice shoes, almost short skirt, eye catchy handbag though.
I'm not gonna list everyone just saying that life here, started to hem into real life.
'Hey not fair', you all shout at me 'we are real'.
Of course, but there's real like stuff I can touch and then there's real like George Washington, I mean everybody knows about him but nobodies actually seen him, even though he slept around the north eastern US and he's on the buck.

SWFM is that lady that has a sticker on her purse, that poochy stuck on. And I know the Judes live outta town so you never see them. Hot Chanie has a rather large family, so I never know which is the real her from Frumbabe, Dov bear is that smirking guy , probably thinks he's insufferable know it all, Funkyjew82 is the man with the leather school bag, Dofan akuma is the man with the hunchback (get it?) Sara with no H , is that blond kid with the big open purse ready to grab her camera, Nuch i believe is a Bobover chusid with the appro levush to go with it, lvsn27, is a very shy wispy dark girl . Chaim Chusid's shirt indicates his struggle for control at the weekly kiddush.
Ouch stop throwing tomatoes at me, I'm entitled to my imagination.
Anyway I keep on thinking I spent too much time blogging, which in-turn crept into the rest of my life.

I will post Bli neder/IY"H more, just not sure yet what type of material

Wednesday, June 27, 2007


Yes I am.

I didnt write for while 'cause I didn't time. Then I think to me-self, hummmm after a hiatus I should come with something really knockadig. So I procrastinate waiting for the big zaftig'a blog.

Which somehow doesn't materialize...(sigh)

Anyway I got this email which I though all should hear about, ya gotta love cut n' paste.

I am offering you a note of warning and if you care to share this information with your friends, it could be helpful to them as well.
When you drive on the Pallisades Interstate Parkway between New York and Monsey, do not go above 65 and ALWAYS stay in the right lane.
Recently my dear husband got a ticket for speeding and I'd like to enlighten you as to what happens:
1. The cops on this stretch have NO compassion whatsoever -- they are stopping you for a reason and that is to give you a ticket and make sure their Alpine area pulls in as much money as possible from these fines.
2. When you go on the designated day for your ticket to be heard, you will be amongst 200! other people who got stopped for some traffic infraction.
3. You will wait. They hear people's not guilty issues until 10! at night.
4. You have no choice but to wait.
5. If you hire a lawyer, you will go first but you will not get off -- all the ppl who had hired lawyers were the proud recipients of a judgment of $380 (100 fine 30 court fees and 250 for the infraction) to be paid immediately, in addition, of course, to paying your lawyer's fee! (ouch).
6. You will wait -- the judge takes a break during the guilty and not guiltys.
7. You will wait again because the judge takes a dinner break!
8. The cops sit by and watch the unsuspecting people squirming in their seats.
9. There were only two cases that were dismissed. If you'd like to know which ones, ask i'll tell.
10. With pleading guilty and a good excuse (and a good clean driving record) you will "get off" with a quick fine of $95 to $105 (so sweet!).
11. If you have a Jersey license, you will get points and a lowered fine or a higher fine ($380) and no points.
12. If you have a New York License, you get no points (I repeat NO points are transferred from New Jersey to New York).
13. If you do not show up for this ticket on the designated date, you will get arrested the next time you are stopped because an arrest warrant is in place for you with bail already set at this courtroom.
14. End of the day I am here to tell you DONT SPEED ON THE PIP -- they have no compassion. Within one hour they took in $380 every five minutes -- I heard it and saw it with my own eyes.
15. By the way, my husband got off with a guilty and a low fine because he had a good excuse.
16. Save the time for yourself rather than sit in this stone house at the end of the road! You'll do yourself a favor.
Don't say I didn't warn you.
Please pass this on to your friends -- especially your Monsey friends

Still here?
I should add I got me a ticket, for not wearing in seat belt, on 13th ave!
It so happens I was no the way to the mechanic to fix my mirror (glass got stolen) and a new blinker bulb. Sheesh!

The end.

OK I'll post the zaftiga blog soon.....

Monday, April 2, 2007

New great service!!

Google has a new service just in time for april first!

I gotta get one of those!

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Gotta love this guy

Someone cut out and brought in the the original, I ROFL, so Of course I wanted to share.

Rumor has it the news guys were so impressed, the city officials wont press charges.

Sunday, March 18, 2007

Chol hamoed trips?


Yes, as much I love yomim tovim, days off, sleep late, eat drink and be married (yes pun intended) there is always a drawback.
Sure there's the price of ________(fill in with matzos, shoes, clothing, unique edibles), but over all it's great.

The but seems to hang there, sorta over my head.
What is the the but?
Chol Hamoed outings.
Every year we have the same issues.
I feel it's inappropriate.
The older kids have seen monkeys and get real bored real quick.
5 minutes and the big ones are itching to to something else.
Great adventure?
Sure $45 bucks a head it's gonna blow a weeks salary......after taxes, maaser and the grocery bill.

So there you have it.
Ok I'm desperate here.
Kids range from the teens to chasidmaydele whom ya'all were graciously mazeltoving me not long ago.

Friday, March 9, 2007

The Psak

I got this from an old friend who forwarded it to me, i had a good laugh. In the hopes the no one will offended (disclaimer) i give you THE PSAK:

Is it okay to take Viagra on Shabbat?

Michael Bader, a well respected San Francisco psychoanalyst and a member of the Board of
Trustees of Beyt Tikkun Synagogue has brought the following question to our community, and hopes that its best Talmudic scholars might think more about it:

There are two differing schools of thought on whether you can take Viagra on Shabbat:

Beit Shammai forbids the ingestion of Viagra on Shabbat, lest one violates the infraction of erecting a structure("boneh").
Beit Hillel says do not read it as "boneh" but as "boner", and permits the ingestion of Viagra before sundown so long as the Kabbalat Shabbat takes less than one half hour to complete, the kids are asleep, and your wife doesn't have a headache.
And what bracha does one say before taking the Viagra pill?
There is a choice of four blessings:
1. Borei p'ri ha-eitz - blessing over the fruit of the tree;
2. Boruch Atah HaShem zokeif k'fuffim straightens those who are bent;
3. Ya'aleh v'yavo - arise and come;
4. Boruch Atah HaShem mechayei hameitim raises the dead.

Here is a little follow up to the above...
Yes, the anti-impotence drug has been found to contain a tiny amount of animal matter, rendering it - one would think - treif. But, Rabbi Abraham Blumenkrantz zt"l, an American Kashrut expert, said that, as a medication that adds pleasure to the Sabbath (not to mention the rest of the week), it is permissible. But it is banned during Pesach - along with all other agents causing things to rise.

PS I am hereby apologizing to Saratchka up front, its meant to be funny not personal!

Tuesday, March 6, 2007


I actually spoke a shidduch.

No nothing came of it, but it was sorta cool.
The info gathering was weird for me. I am not a yenta, actually I avoid gossip like a plague. Sorta like 'I don't wanna know!'.
But now I tell myself, I have know, 'cause it's for a shidduch.

Truth is I don't want to get involved, I know there are thousands looking for their zivug.
I'm not comfortable knowing that Miss Plonet has type 2 diabetes, she handles it on her own or that Yanky Plony stutters, a bit, only when he speaks, and only when he is nervous.
Like on a date?
On the other hand there are those who feel that nothing is good enough.
Here's a sample attempt.
Me: Hello, Is this Mr Plonysohn?
Me: Hi, My name is Chasid Yingerman, do you have a moment?
Plonysohn: (hesitation coming through) uh..yeah.
Me: I know you have a fantastic son learning at the famous Groyskop Yeshiva, and I heard all about his midos and his learning, he is mamesh a top boy. Are you listening to shudichim yet?
Plonysohn:Well, only if it's something really good.
Me: Ahh, perfect because it just so happens that I know this top girl. Have you heard of the Tashen family?
Plonysohn: Sure.
Me: Well I spoke to Reb Teef Tashen yesterday, and he tells me that his daughter Shayna just graduated from Fluff College and was in town until she decided, which seminary minahales, position to take. I also know that if the right boy came along, they would be interested in a shidduch for Shayna.
Plonysohn: Well, let look into it and I'll get back to you.

So far so good right?
Truth is, the one side or probably both, will get back to me and say something along the lines of 'well we're still looking at what else is out there' or 'I want to thank you for thinking of my son and the shidduch is very pasig (appropriate) but at this time we're not interested'.
I usually ask "May I know why your not interested?"
The usual is something along the lines of ' oh we wanted something special'.
As in lots of Green-freshly-minted-large-denomination-Special?
I now think i understand understand the shidduch crises.

This morning a kid I know, tells me about an 'older boy' maybe 25 (that ancient for chasidishe bochur) If possibly I could set him up with a shiduch. The kid has a sad smile and says good luck, I wiggle my head in puzzlement, he responds "his mother's very picky, nothing is ever good enough.

"Bartender, a zifitz for everybody, on me"

Monday, February 26, 2007

Ad Delo yada

OK this post is about the general garbage that Purim has DEvolved into.

1. Themes - this has got to be way off the original 'shaloch manos ish l'ra-ayhu'. I mean come on, 7 little kids dressed like pizza delivery dudes bringing a pizza pie made of marzipan?

I spent some time in Israel and I gotta tell you, it was amazing. The kids are dressed a bit weird, like mismatching socks and they bring a plastic plate covered with a napkin. Under the napkin, you'd typically find a fruit and a can of tuna or corn and a couple of cookies or pieces of cake. For the more chashuva person, you might include a bottle of kosher l'pesach grape juice. The fruit, can and wine are put away and the mezonos placed on the table. A few pleasant minutes of 'so, how's the baby - or bubby' and off they go. No expensive 5 foot baskets, no $50 costumes, no leftover mountains of 'kangaroo flavored Chewie Yucks[TM]' to dump when the kids aren't looking.

2. Drinking - I know this is a very serious item, so I'll do this one soberly.

Kids drink. Kids should NOT be drinking, even if its purim. Yes even, or maybe because its Purim. The guy driving his 7 adorable pizza kids might be drunk, at the very least he might have had a drink this morning, just to be able to cope with the pizza kids.

Then there's the idiot of a parent who says 'big deal I drank as a kid, why shouldn't my kid have it as good as I did' or 'My father let us drink, are you saying that my father, zecher tzadik levrocho, was wrong?'

Big problem, remember even as a teen they are little kids, please, please, ich bayte eich alle, someone has to be the responsible adult.

Oh, ad delo yada? It's a MITZVAH to drink. Go ask a rav, any rav, and if the rav by some drunken chance says it's OK to let kids drink, tell the rav in my name he is an apikores and give him my Email. WOW guts! No not really. It just so happens that I own a set of mishna brurah who backs my position on this. There is no MUST drinking if you insist on 'ad delo yada' take nap, that qualifies.

3. Shnoring - oy this one is a toughy.

Yes I think its good for BOYS to collect money on purim, (keeps em from stupid things, like getting drunk) Since kids don't have an income and can't participate in the matonos le'evyonim by giving, this way they can have a big chelek by channelling the money. I figure way over 7 figures, in cash, changing hands on purim, and the BOYS have a big part in it. Which accustoms them to tzedaka and chesed.

I'm getting to the 'BOYS' part. I think that girls should not be shnorring, not that girls don't have to do chesed, it's just I can't see letting my daughters go to a strange home to sell a win-a-trip-of-a-lifetime raffle. Sure its a big mitzvah but common sense says, that es past nish for girls to go, even in a group, sorta not a refined, eidel like, thing to do. Just my opinion of course, the rest of you may subject your daughters to the neighborhood sickos if it pleases you, after a couple of drinks or hours in a small car with 7 zeesa pizza kids.

4. Social life - whatever happened to going to sit at Zaydy/bubby's house for an hour. Now we seem to gravitate to the noise wherever its Happening.

The yeshivas mordechai hatzdik seems to be a good idea too. Imagine on a day off spending some quiet time with a kid in shul somewhere learning, nuts no? I mean I could be doing a mitzvah by drinking a beer, oh, you want me spend time with my kids, heck they can have a beer too! Idiots. Have we drifted so far that we don't realize what Judaism is based on?

Remember, the next generation of erlicha yid is influenced by YOUR actions.

And on that note, I wish all my readers a happy and thoughtful purim!

Monday, February 19, 2007

Of all the wierd places!

Read this this morning:

JERUSALEM (Reuters) - Israeli police investigating why a car was blocking traffic in the fast lane of a major highway Sunday found a couple inside having sex.
A police spokesman said the female driver and her male passenger gave in to their passions without pulling over to the side of the road, causing congestion and leaving other motorists having to swerve to dodge their stationary vehicle.
A patrolman gave the woman a ticket for holding up traffic.

Hummm just a ticket?
Maybe a towel or a condom.
I was wondering, we are all adults right?
What's the wierdest place you have had....uh.....relations, polite enough?

What? Me first, big talker?
I hear you.

I fooled around on a NYC subway train once.
I think it was a lighthouse.
But it wasn't very good.
Oh my I think I'm blushing.

Ok I did mine.
PS. If this post is too racy feel free to boycott!

Wednesday, February 7, 2007

I always loved a good read

As a kid I read everything I could get my hands on.
When I say everything you can bet that I really mean it.
There was very little in the way of Jewish literature. Marcus Lehman, Lubavitch Olumainu magazine and the Jewish Press (feh). There just wasn't much else to read.
So I grew up reading Jules Verne, Mark Twain and the like , all the Hardy boys and Nancy Drew books. Stuff that would be considered heretical nowadays.
I could never get enough, as a typical Hardy Boys book took me about 35 minutes to read.
We had an Encyclopedia Judaica that I read through.
As I got older I read Ellery Queen, Agatha Christie, Erle Stanley Gardner and tons more, point (yes, I noticed that I frequently do that) is I loved a good mystery.
As life is way more hectic, I never have time for a really good read.
I haven't really noticed this aspect of my life being diminished, until I got this Email regarding a weird murder mystery, I read it and naturally loved the story, short as it was.
Having gotten into trouble once before with reposting stories, I checked out Snopes and of course the story is too good to be true but far all you who love a murder mystery with an interesting twist, here's the link to the sight:

I gotta get a good book to read, and please don't give me the so called 'jewish' books that dominate the shelves today, their corny I could sit and make these by the dozen, if I typed fast enough.
Any suggestions?

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Mazal Tov

Spoucy actually wouldn't bring her home if she didn't get a pink outfit. Can you believe that?
Me: OK I'll bring the white sweater set that chasidyingele wore to his bris, and you can go shopping and buy the pink stuff later.
Spoucy: WHAT, WHITE? you're kidding me right?
Me: No, I mean you do wanna get chasidmaydele home, right? So use the white and I'll put the infant car seat and...
Me: Why not?
Spoucy: (rolling eyes)You don't understand, she's a girl.
Me: Yeah, and so?
Spoucy: Girls wear pink.
Me: But its just to get home.
Spoucy: Not my baby.
Me: Trust me, she wont remember.
Spousy: No.
Are male and female children that different? I think the only thing I found so far is the diaper changing, its a little more difficult cleaning a female after a big poopoo. Otherwise they both think the universe centers around them, especially at 3am. My wife says wiat till the kid is 3 then I'll see that girls have a way of wrapping daddy 'round their little finger.
Hummmm..... we'll see.
Anyway in case you wanted to know, the kid did get home, and yes in pink, long story.

Monday, January 15, 2007

YUP I stole another one.
This sorta reminds me of the famous 'purim fest' pronunciation by Julius Streicher. (Link provided for the nosy

Saddam was right – "Palestine is Arab"
By Charles M. Morseweb posted January 8, 2007
The noose inspires wisdom from Saddam Hussein
Moments before one of the world's last remaining hard-line socialist leaders faced his judgment in the form of a noose tightened around his neck, the former Iraqi Dictator Saddam Hussein blurted out "Palestine is Arab." And this may have been one of the few times in Saddam's blood soaked career that he spoke the truth.
The fact is that the former Palestine, known today as Israel since having achieved independence from Britain in 1948, is largely Arab today. The majority of the Arabs living in Israel today are Arab Jews. Israel, formerly Palestine, is Arab, Jewish Arab as opposed to Muslim or Christian Arab. This factor plays a major role in the ongoing conflict between Israel and its non-Jewish Arab neighbors.
Arab Jews had always lived in Palestine and in the rest of the Middle East alongside their Arab Muslim and Arab Christian neighbors. Arab Jews began immigrating in large numbers into Palestine, along with European Jews and Arab Muslims, in the later part of the nineteenth century. Jews had been native to the Middle East and North Africa for over a thousand years, centuries before Islamic forces thundered out of the Arabian Peninsula after the death of the Prophet Muhammad in 632 CE.
After the seventh century establishment of the Islamic Arab Caliphate in the Middle East, in lands that had been Christian for centuries previous, native Christians, Jews, and other non-Muslims sank into the humiliating status of dhimmi's or second-class citizens. Christians and Jews were forced to wear special articles of clothing that identified them as non-Muslims, were forced to pay a special tax, and had to contend with many dangers and indignities over centuries of Muslim rule. The non-Muslim experience in the Middle East was comparable to that of African-Americans living in the American south before the civil rights movement.
The emerging Jewish State of Israel represented the establishment of the first democracy in the Middle East. The Arab Jews of Israel, both native and those who immigrated from other Arab and Muslim regions, would achieve equal rights and would experience full emancipation from their dhimmi status in the new state. This fact, and the threat that it represented to the elitist Muslim-Arab effendi, was not lost upon certain Arab-Muslim elitists such as Amin al-Husseini, appointed from an elite Arab Muslim family as Mufti of Jerusalem by the British Governor of Palestine Sir Herbert Samuel in 1922. The Mufti, in his effort to strangle the newly emerging emancipated state, become a close collaborator with Hitler and spent much of World War II living in Berlin.
The emancipation of the Arab Jew from his dhimmi status in the newly established State of Israel threatened the entire authoritarian caste system that had dominated the Arab Muslim Middle East for centuries. The very presence of the free and equal Arab Jew living in his own country threatened to awaken dormant freedom movements from amongst Middle Eastern Christians and from amongst the Arab Muslim poor. This fear was most likely exacerbated in the minds of Arab Muslim elites as they drove Arab Jews out of Iraq, Yemen, and other Arab countries by the hundreds of thousands. These native Arab Jews were subsequently absorbed into the modern Israeli society in the years following Israel's independence.
Certainly European Jews settling in Palestine in the late nineteenth and twentieth centuries spearheaded the modern Zionist movement. They introduced into the region concepts such as democracy, capitalism, and modernity. Many forward thinking and progressive Arab Muslim leaders at the time, such as Faisal, King of Syria and Iraq, scion of the moderate Hashemite clan, and the great grand uncle of the present King of Jordan, welcomed the development of a Jewish State in Palestine. Faisal believed that a Jewish Palestine, existing within "modest and proper" borders, as he wrote to Harvard Law School Dean and later U.S. Supreme Court Justice Felix Frankfurter, would assist the newly emerging post World War I Arab Muslim States enter the new century.
Today, as a result of the continuous and ongoing immigration of Arab Jews into Israel, as well as the high rate of intermarriage between Israeli-Arab Jews and Israeli-European Jews, Israel is more than ever before an essentially Arab society. Saddam was right to point out that Palestine, or Israel as it is now known, is truly Arab. The Arab- Jewish State of Israel is a prosperous, free, and successful society, one that stands as an example of the possibilities that freedom offers to Arab Muslim brethren in the Middle East who yearn for freedom.
Chuck Morse is a former Massachusetts congressional candidate and the author of The Nazi connection to Islamic Terrorism.

Tuesday, January 9, 2007

I was cleaning old E-mails and came across this, and I still thought it was funny, so hey I'm gonna share.

A Bowl of Lifesavers

A teacher was doing a study testing the senses of
first graders, using a bowl of Lifesavers.
The children began to say:
" Red............cherry,"

Finally the teacher gave them all honey Lifesavers.
After eating them none of the children could identify the taste. "Well," he said, "I'll give you
all a clue; It's what your mother may sometimes call your father."

One little girl looked up in horror, spit her Lifesaver out and yelled:
"Oh My God!!!! They're assholes!"

Monday, January 8, 2007

Is this good for us?

The big news in the hiemisher velt

Rah rah break out the bubbly.

I'm not convinced that this is a good thing.
OK OK I hear all you angry sputterers "whaddaya mean, this is great, score 1 point for Shabbos!"
Yeah, trueish, but I'm thinking long run.
Is this really good do the charedim need to make Israeli companies subservient, will there be backlash against the orthodox, did the rabbanim do this under public pressure or out of their siyata d'shmaya from their hearts?

I think the employees of ELAL are happy, they get a definite day off. The financial people might be 'cause now they are pleasing %30 of their customer base (are the other %70 pleased too?)
Will this be a Kiddush Hashem? or just the opposite challila?
Will Elal now also havta provide a mikva and a mechitza of the planes after all you gotta make your customers happy.
I hope Elal has a stronger quarter coming next so the chilunim don't use this as a foil in their constant feeble attempts to justify their not being religious.

Wednesday, January 3, 2007


I sat in a Therapist's office waiting.
As usual, I look at the mags, not really seeing anything.
After a while I get up, stretch, look around a bit. I glance at the noisemaker protecting whoever is in there, from my being a yenta.
I look up at the wall and see an old framed newspaper clipping. Curiosity fueled by boredom encourages me to read it.

When was a boy of 6, my mother used to work with yarn.
Not sweaters or another article of clothing but those 8 by 10 pictures that needed different colors to form some nature or other scenery.
I would often play by myself in games that only 6 year olds understood. My mother would smile at me when I would go past where she sat with her supplies of thread, I in turn would watch her hands moving skillfully.
"Mommy, what are you making?"
My mother eyes appeared distracted as she responded. "Come back soon honey, and I'll show you."
This scenario would repeat it self with small differences as the time moved swiftly by.
After a while, I would stop pestering and just look a my mothers work. From my view, as a 6 year old looking up, I would see the bottom of the frame. Loose threads hanging, an assortment of color, not really anything coherent, just a mess of string.
Finally, after trying to determine by any stretch of my young imagination and coming up empty, I asked again, "Mommy?"
"Yes, honey."
"It doesn't look like a picture. There are light and dark colors all in a jumble." I contemplated the weaving. “I like the light colors better. Couldn't you only use the light colors?"
My mother put her hands down and looked at me the laughter dancing in her eyes "come back in 10 minutes when it's finished and then I'll show it to you."
10 minutes, does a 6 year old really know how long that means, but I walked away, back to my amusements.
Soon enough it came "honey!, come and see."
My mother had placed her work on a side table and reached out to pick me up. Sitting me on her lap, she spread out the embroidery over my knees so that I could see it.
It was beautiful, a wilderness scene with flowing water and assorted wildlife.
"See" said my mother, pointing them out. "There are your light colors and there are the dark. With out the dark threads, it wouldn't be as nice."

Now that I'm older, have gotten married, have kids, been on the road of life for a while, I realize the fact that as diminutive humans, we can't really see the big picture.
As life rushes past us we seem to dwell on the dark threads. Threads that at 'weaving' time, seem completely unnecessary.
How could such catastrophes happen.
And how could G-d allow them to happen.

There is a story told about the Noam Elimelech, that when he was on his deathbed, a student of his, who had children, asked that when the Rebbe got to heaven, he should make sure that the evil decree of the cantonist children, should be abolished.
The Rebbe said he'd look into it.
Not long after that, the Rebbe died.
A few weeks later the Czar's soldiers were tearing apart the town looking for new little boys to be drafted. The student was heartbroken, how could this be, after the Rebbe said he's take care of it.
That night the student had a dream the rebbe was glowing, looked healther than he had in years. On the Rebbe's face was a sad smile.
"Rebbe” started the chusid. "The czar’s men were here again…”The chusid sobbed.
The rebbe spoke “I know mien kind, I know, but know that heaven, this is planned and desired, therefore I won’t prevent it.”

So do we really understand what Hashem wants?
I can only guess that the mesiras nefesh shown by those boys in the czar army and in their later years, made it more valuable than all else. Or maybe it was their father’s tefillos or the mother bitter tears that was required in the place.
I have heard it said that the current Jihad suicide bombers, on the average, really mean it l’shem shomayim, which puts us in bad light. Would we have such mesiras nefesh, if CH"V called upon, not me.
So what’s Hashem to do, well, knowing heaven is l’maale min hazmaan, I think G-d ‘arranged’ some voluntary mesiras nefesh on our part from a generation, that could supply it. Say the Jews of York or from the years 'tach tat' or thousand of others that Hashem has in the bank.
I dare say the account is big enough.