Gotta love this guy

Someone cut out and brought in the the original, I ROFL, so Of course I wanted to share.
http://www.nypost.com/seven/03272007/news/regionalnews/matzo_mobile_regionalnews_leonard_greene.htm

Rumor has it the news guys were so impressed, the city officials wont press charges.

Chol hamoed trips?

AAAAGGGHHHHH!

Yes, as much I love yomim tovim, days off, sleep late, eat drink and be married (yes pun intended) there is always a drawback.
Sure there's the price of ________(fill in with matzos, shoes, clothing, unique edibles), but over all it's great.
BUT.

The but seems to hang there, sorta over my head.
What is the the but?
Chol Hamoed outings.
Every year we have the same issues.
Circus?
I feel it's inappropriate.
Zoo?
The older kids have seen monkeys and get real bored real quick.
Park?
5 minutes and the big ones are itching to to something else.
Great adventure?
Sure $45 bucks a head it's gonna blow a weeks salary......after taxes, maaser and the grocery bill.

So there you have it.
Ok I'm desperate here.
Kids range from the teens to chasidmaydele whom ya'all were graciously mazeltoving me not long ago.

The Psak

I got this from an old friend who forwarded it to me, i had a good laugh. In the hopes the no one will offended (disclaimer) i give you THE PSAK:


Is it okay to take Viagra on Shabbat?

Michael Bader, a well respected San Francisco psychoanalyst and a member of the Board of
Trustees of Beyt Tikkun Synagogue has brought the following question to our community, and hopes that its best Talmudic scholars might think more about it:

There are two differing schools of thought on whether you can take Viagra on Shabbat:
Beit Shammai forbids the ingestion of Viagra on Shabbat, lest one violates the infraction of erecting a structure("boneh").
Beit Hillel says do not read it as "boneh" but as "boner", and permits the ingestion of Viagra before sundown so long as the Kabbalat Shabbat takes less than one half hour to complete, the kids are asleep, and your wife doesn't have a headache.
And what bracha does one say before taking the Viagra pill?
There is a choice of four blessings:
1. Borei p'ri ha-eitz - blessing over the fruit of the tree;
2. Boruch Atah HaShem zokeif k'fuffim straightens those who are bent;
3. Ya'aleh v'yavo - arise and come;
4. Boruch Atah HaShem mechayei hameitim raises the dead.

Here is a little follow up to the above...
Yes, the anti-impotence drug has been found to contain a tiny amount of animal matter, rendering it - one would think - treif. But, Rabbi Abraham Blumenkrantz zt"l, an American Kashrut expert, said that, as a medication that adds pleasure to the Sabbath (not to mention the rest of the week), it is permissible. But it is banned during Pesach - along with all other agents causing things to rise.

PS I am hereby apologizing to Saratchka up front, its meant to be funny not personal!
>

Shiduchim

I actually spoke a shidduch.

No nothing came of it, but it was sorta cool.
The info gathering was weird for me. I am not a yenta, actually I avoid gossip like a plague. Sorta like 'I don't wanna know!'.
But now I tell myself, I have know, 'cause it's for a shidduch.

Truth is I don't want to get involved, I know there are thousands looking for their zivug.
I'm not comfortable knowing that Miss Plonet has type 2 diabetes, she handles it on her own or that Yanky Plony stutters, a bit, only when he speaks, and only when he is nervous.
Like on a date?
(sigh)
On the other hand there are those who feel that nothing is good enough.
Here's a sample attempt.
Me: Hello, Is this Mr Plonysohn?
Plonysohn:Yes.
Me: Hi, My name is Chasid Yingerman, do you have a moment?
Plonysohn: (hesitation coming through) uh..yeah.
Me: I know you have a fantastic son learning at the famous Groyskop Yeshiva, and I heard all about his midos and his learning, he is mamesh a top boy. Are you listening to shudichim yet?
Plonysohn:Well, only if it's something really good.
Me: Ahh, perfect because it just so happens that I know this top girl. Have you heard of the Tashen family?
Plonysohn: Sure.
Me: Well I spoke to Reb Teef Tashen yesterday, and he tells me that his daughter Shayna just graduated from Fluff College and was in town until she decided, which seminary minahales, position to take. I also know that if the right boy came along, they would be interested in a shidduch for Shayna.
Plonysohn: Well, let look into it and I'll get back to you.

So far so good right?
Truth is, the one side or probably both, will get back to me and say something along the lines of 'well we're still looking at what else is out there' or 'I want to thank you for thinking of my son and the shidduch is very pasig (appropriate) but at this time we're not interested'.
I usually ask "May I know why your not interested?"
The usual is something along the lines of ' oh we wanted something special'.
Special?
As in lots of Green-freshly-minted-large-denomination-Special?
I now think i understand understand the shidduch crises.

This morning a kid I know, tells me about an 'older boy' maybe 25 (that ancient for chasidishe bochur) If possibly I could set him up with a shiduch. The kid has a sad smile and says good luck, I wiggle my head in puzzlement, he responds "his mother's very picky, nothing is ever good enough.

"Bartender, a zifitz for everybody, on me"