Tuesday, March 6, 2007


I actually spoke a shidduch.

No nothing came of it, but it was sorta cool.
The info gathering was weird for me. I am not a yenta, actually I avoid gossip like a plague. Sorta like 'I don't wanna know!'.
But now I tell myself, I have know, 'cause it's for a shidduch.

Truth is I don't want to get involved, I know there are thousands looking for their zivug.
I'm not comfortable knowing that Miss Plonet has type 2 diabetes, she handles it on her own or that Yanky Plony stutters, a bit, only when he speaks, and only when he is nervous.
Like on a date?
On the other hand there are those who feel that nothing is good enough.
Here's a sample attempt.
Me: Hello, Is this Mr Plonysohn?
Me: Hi, My name is Chasid Yingerman, do you have a moment?
Plonysohn: (hesitation coming through) uh..yeah.
Me: I know you have a fantastic son learning at the famous Groyskop Yeshiva, and I heard all about his midos and his learning, he is mamesh a top boy. Are you listening to shudichim yet?
Plonysohn:Well, only if it's something really good.
Me: Ahh, perfect because it just so happens that I know this top girl. Have you heard of the Tashen family?
Plonysohn: Sure.
Me: Well I spoke to Reb Teef Tashen yesterday, and he tells me that his daughter Shayna just graduated from Fluff College and was in town until she decided, which seminary minahales, position to take. I also know that if the right boy came along, they would be interested in a shidduch for Shayna.
Plonysohn: Well, let look into it and I'll get back to you.

So far so good right?
Truth is, the one side or probably both, will get back to me and say something along the lines of 'well we're still looking at what else is out there' or 'I want to thank you for thinking of my son and the shidduch is very pasig (appropriate) but at this time we're not interested'.
I usually ask "May I know why your not interested?"
The usual is something along the lines of ' oh we wanted something special'.
As in lots of Green-freshly-minted-large-denomination-Special?
I now think i understand understand the shidduch crises.

This morning a kid I know, tells me about an 'older boy' maybe 25 (that ancient for chasidishe bochur) If possibly I could set him up with a shiduch. The kid has a sad smile and says good luck, I wiggle my head in puzzlement, he responds "his mother's very picky, nothing is ever good enough.

"Bartender, a zifitz for everybody, on me"


Anonymous said...

oy oy shiduchim.. there is a major crisis in shiduchim that doesnt get enogh attention, there arent enough shadchonim, and those who are out there try to get the big fish only, the big rebbes, richies, where they can make big money, so even for the 18-20 year olds in the chsidish kreizen where this is THE age, there isnt enough done.
and at an even larger scale of that is tha lack of shadchonim for the older boys and girls, its mamesh a broch, so much has been written said and talked but very little has been done
u r right that the parents need to be educated too, there needs to be found an organization like the many chesed organizations out there who help out different situations, we need a shduch crisis reveltion to train shadchonim, create a int'l data base, and organize seminars for parnts
u got work to do, get going

yingerman said...

Nu so?
Get going!

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Just suggesting a shidduch to someone brings them one closer to the right one. I don't have to tell you how important it is. It's great you are trying.

Anonymous said...

don't get me started on this shidduch crisis. I think that the whole setup is nothing more then a meat market where shidduchim are made based more on money, status and yichis than the bucher or girl's best interest. it stinks.

which is why we have so many young married yingerleit looking for sex or meaningful relationships since they don't have it in their own marriages.

it is unfortunate that kids that don't yet know that this isn't what they want (or lack the courage to do anything about it) end up inflicting the same thing on their own children 20 years later.

Anonymous said...

Sometimes, parents say no just because of a "feeling", and having been the shaddchan by a few shidduchim, I can tell you that it's never a good idea to push a shidduch because you never know what you're pushing for. Sometimes, instinct is put there because it's not bashert, and now always is it explainable.

sarachka said...

Shiduchim?! thats a whole 'nother planet in itself. Touchy subject though. Great post! (funny too)
Good luck with those shiduchim!!