Friday, October 19, 2007

The Flowers

Like most hubbies in Boropark I do some last minute pre-Shabbos shopping on the way home from work. Sometimes its some cake or deli and of course like every good hubby I get Spousy flowers for Shabbos.
You've seen 'em the prez-Bush-not-withstanding-illegal-dudes standing at every corner shouting 'flowers, flowers for shabis'.

Anyway one week when I do my rounds, Spousy calls me on my cell, asking if I could get her some, uhhh, feminine napkins.
Hey I'm married I've done this before, pads, bedikah cloths, whatever, can't say its like buying cold cuts, but not a big deal, right guys?
So this Friday I went about getting whatever it was we needed and then stopped off at the drugstore, down that aisle and picked up a bag of Spousy's favorite brand.
I turn towards the cashier, bag in hand, ooops no way, my old chavrusa is on that checkout line.
OK OK I'll go to the drug counter and pay there. I shield the bag with my body and head thata way...
OH CRAP, 2 guys from shul are standing and chatting, and they've seen me....
Nonchalantly I stoll up to them "hey, vus titzach?"
I sorta lean one way while twisting my arm the other trying to block the 'package' as far as possible.
We chat while waiting, well, they're chatting, I'm squirming justa bit at first, but the pressure mounts as more awkward minutes drag by.
I'm holding more bags then they are and besides they're still waiting for cough syrup or antibiotics for the kid, to be prepared, "Yinger, just go ahead of us" says one.
YAY "are you sure" to be polite, I gotta ask.
They both nod.
OK I'm outta here.....almost.
I try to continue the yakking, turning my shoulders and face to them and shoving the bag behind me up on the counter.
Not bad I convince myself.
The female cashier swipes the bag on the barcode reader I hear the beep of the machine and expect to hear how much I owe, instead I hear her mumble 'that cant be right'.
She tries again and stares at the screen, 'no-way' she says, and then raising the pack of pads as high she can, she yells out the manager, walking about 25-30 feet away "PRICE CHECK".

Breath.....
In.....
Through.....
The......
Nose....
Out....
Through.....
The....
Mouth.......

AHHHGGGGG, I think, never in a million years am I ever, EVER, going to shop for this kinda stuff again.

Oh yes, I did bring home flowers, what kinda hubby do you think I am?

26 comments:

chaverah said...

great post! I cant stop laughing. I have to admit, even i am a bit shy holding maxipads at times. One time I went into a 24 hour walgreens at 1:00 am to buy pads, it was an emergency. WELL guess who was there. EVERY frum guy in the neighborhood with the same emergency! lol!

Rafi G said...

that's funny. When I was first married I would be embarrassed when having to purchase pads or tampons or even bedika cloths. It has been a long time now (13 years) and I have no problem. Just think of it like this - every woman in the store, and the wife of every man there, uses and needs them as well. So there is nothing to be embarrassed about

Miriam said...

just know that your wife really appreciated what you did!

fashionista cat in a zero gravity shoe-store said...

I could understand your embarrassment had you also purchased lubricant and spray-cream ;)

Anonymous said...

I don't see the bisha in that. Women have needs and im damn proud to be one.

yingerman said...

Chaverah
The shopping in the middle of the night is a different story

rafi
Ive done it before, just not with an audience

Miriam
I'm she did

Fcat
OH NO spousy gets that kinda stuff, leave me outta it!

Anon
Sure I glad they do, but maybe i should start buying mail order.

halfshared said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
thekvetcher said...

be a man nothing to be afraid of. whats worse is if you by the wrong stuff for the vible.

Lakewood Venter said...

Been there, Done that. lol. Good post.

kjrebbetzin said...

Funny funny. Reminds me of the kj pharmacy where the lady at the register sights anyone with personal care items or a pregnancy test suddenly drops everything and runs with a paper bag and then ushers you to the front of the line while everyone stares.

Open Up! said...

LOLLLLLLL that was cute! but i think the worst is when the guy stands there in the aisle talking on his cell (not realizing how loud he is) saying which brand was it? with wings? without? blue? pink?

Open Up! said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
~ Sarah ~ said...

lol well done.
i'm sure your mrs appreciated it!

Anonymous said...

wake up from your dream

LakewoodShmuck said...

very VERY FUNNY
with heartfelt sympathy

LakewoodShmuck said...

very VERY FUNNY
with heartfelt sympathy

Chaya said...

Funny post.

Jessica said...

lol. very funny. i'm going to have to go with rafi g. on this one though. every female needs it and every male (every married male, that is) gets it for his wife at some point. nothing to be embarrassed about. but still funny nonetheless. oh! thanks for being my first comment (well, my first comment on this blog... i have had blogs before though that got comments too, but still, thanks!)

Bas~Melech said...

LOL.

I wouldn't have thought it's so embarrassing, doesn't everyone do the same thing?

Though, come to think of it, I also feel a little self-conscious about it...

So, what is this, the monthly post?!

BTW, you're all invited to the blogo-Chanukah event over at my place: You're invited!

Miriam said...

blogo-Chanukah.

Wow. we celebrate the chaggim blogstyle too. I have what to learn.

Miriam said...

Tag! you're it! see my blog for details. (only if you're up to it lol)

Lady-Light said...

Hahahaha! That was hysterical. My husband used to go through the same thing...all I can say is, keep up the good work as a ba'al tov-Kol Hakavod!

M said...

Yes, it's a normal part of life, but it's also a very private part of life, and it' important that we keep it that way and not try to make believe that's it's nothing to hide. We've forced our sensitivity from these things away from ourselves, but we have t remember our orginal sensitivity, and to keep these things very very special.

Lady-Light said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lady-Light said...

I just read "M"s comment, and what do you know? With all the humor and 'cool-i-tude' we exude, I actually agree with her(him?). It is a private, personal part of our lives, and there is something to be said for NOT 'letting it all hang out' (ABSOLUTELY no pun intended there); remember that book, "Why Doesn't Anyone Blush Anymore?" There is something to it. I think it's called "tzniyut..."

aoc gold said...

The Naughty Boy

There was a naughty boy,

And a naughty boy was he,

He ran away to Scotland

The people for to see

Then he found
That the ground

Was as hard,

That a yard

Was as long,

That a song

Was as merry,

That a cherry

Was as red,

That lead

Was as weighty,

That fourscore

Was as eighty,

That a door

Was as wooden

As in England
So he stood in his shoes

And he wonder'd;

He stood in his shoes

And he wonder'd.

-----by aoc gold