Wednesday, December 6, 2006

Is this for real?

This letter was forwarded to me:

Becoming Illegal (From a Iowa resident to his senator)

The Honorable Tom Harkin 731 Hart Senate Office Building Phone (202) 224 3254 Washington DC, 20510

Dear Senator Harkin,

As a native Iowan and excellent customer of the Internal Revenue Service, I am writing to ask for your assistance. I have contacted the Department of Homeland Security in an effort to determine the process for becoming an illegal alien and they referred me to you.

My primary reason for wishing to change my status from U.S. Citizen to illegal alien stem from the bill which was recently passed by the Senate and for which you voted. If my understanding of this bill's provisions is accurate, as an illegal alien who has been in the United States for five years, all I need to do to become a citizen is to pay a $2,000 fine and income taxes for three of the last five years. I know a good deal when I see one and I am anxious to get the process started before everyone figures it out.

Simply put, those of us who have been here legally have had to pay taxes every year so I'm excited about the prospect of avoiding two years of taxes in return for paying a $2,000 fine. Is there any way that I can apply to be illegal retroactively? This would yield an excellent result for me and my family because we paid heavy taxes in 2004 and 2005.

Additionally, as an illegal alien I could begin using the local emergency room as my primary health care provider. Once I have stopped paying premiums for medical insurance, my accountant figures I could save almost $10,000 a year. Another benefit in gaining illegal status would be that my daughter would receive preferential treatment relative to her law school applications, as well as "in-state" tuition rates for many colleges throughout the United States for my son.

Lastly, I understand that illegal status would relieve me of the burden of renewing my driver's license and making those burdensome car insurance premiums. This is very important to me given that I still have college age children driving my car.

If you would provide me with an outline of the process to become illegal (retroactively if possible) and copies of the necessary forms, I would be most appreciative. Thank you for your assistance.

Your Loyal Constituent,

Donald Simonson Get your Forms (NOW)!! Call your Internal Revenue Service 1-800-289-1040. Please pass this onto your friends so they can save on this great offer!!!!


Anonymous said...

Oy is this a good one. Smart man. Unfortunately, vehn d'nar iz nisht mahns, lach ich oych.

heimishinbrooklyn said...

OMG, so true. Hilarious. What is wrong with our system?

Karl said...

Al Tiftach Pi Lifnei HaSoton,
so I wont!
But... I hope it doesnt boil down to this in the end.

BTW, first time here & I'm hooked! - You have been blog rolled.

anonym00kie said...

maybe hed want to work like a dog and get paid like a an illegal too? or go back to whatever third world country?
truly patehtic to see people whining about things like this.. like they did anything to benefit of what their country has to offer..

yingerman said...

its all

it stinks - but where ya gonna find better

(stands and takes a deep bow)
thank you

good point
"ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country

kasamba said...


Shpitzle Shtrimpkind said...

This letter reminds me of some blogs around here owned by rebels. They take a law, a pure intention, and shine a light on it that'll make it seem almost crazy.

Let's not buy into it before we hear all sides of the story...

Well, humorous nonetheless...

David_on_the_Lake said...

I'd love to see the response...

Pragmatician said...

High level of intelligent sarcasm, you gotta love it!

yingerman said...


probably not

me too

enough for me to share it

Sarachka said...

omg! I have never seen anything so crazy (.....well, actually I have- but lets not get into that)