Friday, December 22, 2006

Mikva Appointments

I started this blog, as noted to give insight to the nuances in the life of, as I see it, a typical chasidisher yingerman
OK OK, nobody is a precise example of what the definition, chasidisher yingerman, is supposed to be, and by some of the feedback I get, you guys definitely don’t feel that I’m it, but in my circles, nobody sees me as very different Maybe I'm as it's called ‘a bissel ufgekleirt’ but nothing that would make or break a potential shiduch, somewhere down the road for my kids.

And as the title says, the following is a true account of a mikva appointment that Spousy had or for a lack of a better word, wanted, as I had mentioned to Lakewood Venter, in Lakewood.
What were we doing in Lakewood? At this point you guys musta realized that I live in Brooklyn, right? Sure, I mentioned it a few times, so 'avu kumt' a Brooklyn chasid to Lakewood eir hakodesh?
Easy.
Vacation!
I see all of you scratching your heads, why the heck would you go there?
Minyan? Kosher breakfast?
Well sorta.
The real answer is….the noshim mikva.
Spousy was scheduled to go that night and we didn’t wanna start out on the vakatzia, at 9pm or in the morning.
We travel to tom’s river with a reservation for room.
After a wrong turn due to construction we get to the hotel parking lot, and trying to avoid people like Mrs. Shpitzle, we park round the back. Spousy says, I’m gonna go check in, and she walks towards the office. At that moment a mabul starts…..no kidding, the rain was so thick I could no longer see her. I, of course had jumped back into the car.
After a few minutes the rain gets lighter and I see Spousy under a roof overhang at the side of the building, looks like she didn’t get totally soaked, must have sprinted there on the spur of the mabul.
I try shouting but she can’t hear me with te deafening rain, so with hand motions I point to the car.
She waves no, as in 'are you totally nuts'?
She point to the office, I see the overhang reaches nearly to the office.
I grin and give her the thumbs up.
Eventually I join her at the front desk just a bit damp, and we check in.
The room is satisfactory and we dump our gear.

Now the hard part.
So we went to Lakewood and started shopping for a mikvah.
You can imagine that one, right?
We’re cruisin down Main Street peering out in the fast approaching twilight.
“Wait, wasn’t it over there?”
“Nah it was the other way, “
“You sure?“
“No, but I remember that fire hydrant, “
“Hey look the capital hotel,”
“So?”
“I think its thatta way “
“There, there it is, that funny lookin building”
“Ok I’ll sit here, and wait. “
“An hour?”
“OK lets see, I’ll wait 10 minutes and if you don’t come out I’ll go find a minyan marriv and I’ll be here, or that pump (pointing) in 45 to 50 minutes ok?”
(Nod)
Spousy walks off.
I lean back outta the direct light of the overhead street light.
2 minutes, Spousy comes back.
Oh oh.
“Huh?” (I can be so very eloquent at times)
“You need an appointment.”
I wrinkle my nose in puzzlement.
“Weeks in advance.”
I wrinkle my eyes too “how do you know weeks in advance, when you’re gonna need the mikva?”
Spousy shrugs “beats me.”
She sits in the car, and we both stare out the window.
OK.
Now what.
“There’s gotta be another mikva in town, I mean this is Lakewood.”
“I can call my cousin.”
“I can my friend.”
We look at each other “no way.”
Silence reigns.
“Ok you wanna go back ask the mikva lady, where else we can go?”
“OK.”
Spousy goes back to check.
A couple of minutes later.
“Drive.”
“Where to."
"4 blocks thatta way” Points.
OK
“Mikva lady says that’s the old mikva.”
“Kosher?”
“Sure, just old.”
Blinking “old?”
“Lady said to call this number” Spousy brandishes a piece of paper in front my nose.
The phone is answered by mikva lady 2.
Spousy listen and responds to the cell phone.
Hanging up she turns to me and says “mikva lady 2 lives right here she’ll let me in.”
How do you spell relief?
Spousy gets out and waves to me.
Time passes, we happen to be a block away from a shul, so I go do maariv, and return to the car over an hour passes before Spousy returns.
She doesn’t look the happy relief as usual.
“Huh?” (sympathetic intonation)
“Don’t ask.’
(For unmarried male readers ,first of all you shouldn’t be reading about mikva stuff and second you should know that when a female says ‘don’t ask’ it means I’m gonna complain about this a bunch.)
“Nu?”
“It was a nightmare.”
“Huh.”
“The tub was dirty, mamash filthy.”
“Hmmm.”
“I had to clean it, before I would get in.”
“Ewww.”
“It was full of garbage and even some dead bugs, mikva lady 2 got me some stuff to clean it with.”
“Coulda helped you.”
“You can’t go in there it’s a women’s mikva.”
“Hmmm.”
“And the mikva itself was cold even though mikva lady 2 tried warming it.”
“Tsah.” (clicking with tongue)
“Barely any lighting and the whole place is really run down.”
“Humph.”
“Are you driving towards to hotel in the meantime?”
“Uh huh.”

We only stayed in Toms River that 1 night, after a kosher breakfast in Lakewood, no, no more details. Just suffice it to say we went on to greener pastures.

158 comments:

Anonymous said...

I hope you made it worth her while.

Anonymous said...

Although entertaining to read, I find this story hard to believe as a resident married female of Lakewood. The Mikvah will let you come in eventhough you don't have an appointment at some point during the night, especially during the winter when there's more time.

nuch a chosid said...

Great Writing.

one of them mikva-night nightmare stories

every couple has a few.

A Heimishe said...

Are you saying that Lakewood only has one normal Mikvah? how long ago was that? I should hope the vacation was at least good.

Sarachka said...

Why in the world are you writing about your wife going to the mikvah?! As a female I would not like my husband publicizing it! Although embarrasing, it was quite entertaining. see "its all good now"s comment.

chaverah said...

I would think lakewood would have tons fo mikvahs to go to! What a crazy story. next time look up all the mikvahs before you go to a "strange" town! I hope the end of the story was a nice one :)

anonym00kie said...

sarachka, why is it embarassing to go to the mikva? its personal, but embarassing?

Anonymous said...

weird for you to go vacation with a nidah. How dumb of you.

Sarachka said...

would you want your husband publicizing over the web that you need the mikvah?! not me, no way!

Sarachka said...

sorry, the previous comment was in response to anonymookie.

yingerman said...

Its all good
thats another story, for another time ;)

anon the 1st
this is what happened, you know i'm not gonna prove it. And maybe there are more mikvaos, we just didn't have a clue

nuch a chusid
thanx
and yes I got a few

A hiemy
I'm sure they have more we were just stumbling

sarachka
Its only embarrasing if you know me
And being a female has very little to do with it.
the story of Reb Aryeh levin at the doc with his wife regarding "our leg hurts"
WE went to the mikva, sure most of it is pousy work but the hubby is nervous too. Have you ever gone to a medical procedure with a loved one? Its more difficult to watch than to actually be the proceduree.

chavera
The next time we did with bittersweet results
I'll write it up eventually.

Mookie
thanks youre absolutely right, I hope that the anonimity this blog gives me, continues.

Anon the 2nd
Read it again, we scheduled the mikva there on purpose.

Anonymous said...

you and mrs. shpitzel were much better running the mooochy blog

c said...

You have to go what "I'm OK You're OK" did. Look up the local mikvaos on Mikvah.org before you go anywhere.

Independent Frum Thinker said...

For the future, there are websites that list all the Mikvoahs and their numbers.

Anonymous said...

Yingerman, I'll wait for the details.

socialworker/frustrated mom said...

Entertaining but hard to believe it was so hard to find a mikvah to go to.

Anonymous said...

If and when my better half needs to go to mikva while we are in transit, we will allways make the research before traveling, to make sure that everything is in place, i once even contacted a prominant rabbi in that city to ask if this mikva is good enough... if its 100% kosher lemehadrin.
she has been to mikvas in different cities and towns, it was allways more of an advanture then a horror story, if u do your homework right it pays off

Pragmatician said...

Only a frum Jew can have this sort of trouble!
Lesson, take your vacation days AFTER the mikvah days.

Anonymous said...

you and mrs. shpitzel were much better running the mooochy blog

mooochy stop promoting yourself. nobody cares.

David_on_the_Lake said...

lol
funny..
My wife and I have mikvah stories from around the world..that would make ur hair stand up...

mimi said...

I am a chasidish woman who does'nt go to the mikvah. My husband has no clue he thinks I go.

yingerman said...

anon
While I love Mrs shpitzle's writing but I don't seem to remember ever running Mookies blog.

C
But then this story would've very boring.

IFT
I know, used 'em and see comment above, and beside I thought I knew EVERTHING at that junction of me life.

ITS ALL GOOD
no you aint getting any
sorry
there are other site for that kinda stuff, not here.

SWFM
True but I was a know it all then.

Nucha chusid
true and even with such info there are always speed bumps in the road.

Prag
youre right but then i'm real stubborn sometimes

David
Nu so share already!

Mimi
You have my greatest sympathy.
A shood, remember there is a bottom line.

Semgirl said...

Sorry you had such a bad experience. Next time try the brandnew WestGate mikva, its really beautiful. The service is fabulous and they even have a Jacuzzi.. The number is in the directory..

Semgirl said...

There's also the town mikvah on 11th st bet Madison Ave(rt 9) and Clifton Ave. They will take you w/o an appt in a pinch. Its newly renovated too.

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